Behind every successful person there's a champion behind the scenes encouraging that person to be the best that they can be. Some of those champions are parents and teachers. Or they can often be coaches, youth ministers, scout leaders, or other adult leaders. Sometimes they are your parents friends whom you just saw every once in awhile and their seeds of wisdom encouraged you take that first step to becoming who you were meant to be. Those people are often not even aware of their importance which was the case with one such friend's mother.
Now it's not that I didn't have great teachers or wasn't encouraged lovingly by my parents or didn't have extracurricular activities because I had all these adults who encouraged me and helped me become who I am today. I had teachers that taught me to love learning and become a life-long learner. I had parents who sacrificed so that I could become the first person in my family to graduate from college. I had coaches who taught me the many benefits of being a good team member and the skill of winning and losing gracefully. And I had scout leaders who brought me on many outings and taught me the beauty of outdoors and fostered the joy of being a nature lover. It's just that this one friend's mother who I rarely saw because she was working full-time as well as studying part-time to obtain her own degree stands out as being the person who quietly taught me confidence.
Her daughter and I participated in the middle school scouting program and would often spend time together at one or the other's houses. Doing what many middle school girls do--listen to music, dance, talk about boys, do homework, hang out, etc. It was during the times we were at her house that I would have these intermittent interactions with her mother that would change my life profoundly. I'll forever be grateful to Mrs. H. for helping me gain confidence.
With my close friends I was very outgoing and chatty however with others, especially adults, I would become shy, my voice would be lower, and I would look at the ground. Mrs. H would ask me to look at her when I spoke and noticed right away how uncomfortable I was in talking with and looking at her. Mrs. H listened to me, I mean really listened. She would often say to me, "You have great ideas, don't be afraid to share them with the world".
One particular time, I recall her complimenting me on my outfit to which I responded, "Oh this is old..." and she stopped me mid sentence, asked me to look at her and very firmly and kindly said, "Michelle, you sound so apologetic, you don't owe anyone an explanation for a compliment, merely look at them and say 'Thank you'." That one small conversation helped me gain confidence in myself. Once I let go of explaining my way through a compliment it became easier and easier to simply say "thank you" and the compliments felt more sincere. Sincere not because they were said any differently but because I thought differently when I received them. I felt more confident and shed my "explain it away" self.
I have no idea if Mrs. H knows how much she affected me. Somehow I think she would prefer, in her own humble way, to not know her profound affect on my life. Regardless, I still think of her often and the simple act of listening and encouraging was enough for her. In addition, I think about how powerfully we affect children. Teachers have great power. The power to encourage and inspire. The power to crush and destroy. Which power will you choose? I choose inspiration. It might lead to confidence building in another child. Maybe I'll never know, too and I'm okay with that.
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